Issue #8
Character Sheet Update: Level 36. Enchanting to 92, Smithing to 70.
Last Night:
I find out a guy named Septimus Severino (approx.) knows where there’s an Elder Scroll.
Finds Severus Snape. “Hey, September, where’s the Scroll??”
Sbarro responds in extreme Monty Python Bridge Troll voice. S: “Ah, you must travel through the seven layers of—”
…
S: “Heh, uh, travel through the heart of a god…?”
…
S: “Eh,” Gulp. “uh… say mean things to my big dumb sister…?”
…
Pouts. S: “FINE! But I’m not telling you unless you take this maguffin down there and attune it to the plot device!”
“Okay. “
Face lights up. S: “Really? That’s wonde—i mean, yes, of course. Just as I suspected.”
Whatever you say, Socrates.
S: “It’s in an underground city called Blackreach. If you go there, you’ll die.”
Thanks, Scarface.
Approximately 50 dwemer spiders and 100 falmer kills later, I arrive in this amazing city of 200-foot-tall glowing mushrooms, milky rivers, geode ore veins, and chaurus. It’s stunning. My wife actually had to finally tell me to calm down.
I find the tower, and it houses this humongous golden orb, with a nice dwemer mechanical puzzle. I attune the maguffin, and out pops the Elder Scroll, like the universe’s most powerful gashapon.
But even more importantly, I finally found a set of Increase Carry Weight boots that I can disenchant to learn how to put the enchantment on EVERYTHING.
Oh, btw, now Sylvester Stallone over there wants me to collect blood samples from the 5 different kinds of elf races, so that guy’s totally not a weirdo at all.
Next Time: I ascend to godhood.
