Issue #10
Last Night: I just found out the DLC let’s you ride dragons!
Bend your knee to me, ferocious beast of power! I am Dovahkiin, destroyer of worlds, consumer of hope and light. The daedra tremble at my name, and empires rise and fall at my whim! I shall soar through the skies on you, my faithful steed, and together we will set ablaze all who dare defy us!
I one-shot no scoped a frost dragon, in case anyone is wondering how my evening went.
I decided that since I’m a demi-god, I can start ticking off some of my quests on my ever-growing quest list.
I went and talked to some rando in Dawnstar.
This idiot thinks it’s cool to preserve all this junk from the Mythic Dawn cult. You know, for posterity. He asks me to gather the pieces of Mehrunes Dagon’s Razor, a dagger that’s also the prince’s daedric artifact.
I travel the breadth of Skyrim, and, through various challenges, pick up all four pieces.
Then the gooberstick is like, “hey, I know, let’s go talk to Mehrunes, see if he’ll put the dagger back together.” Clever.
He tells me to meet him at Mehrunes shrine and then bolts.
Only thing is, I can’t find it. I mean, I see it on the map, I just can’t figure out how to get there.
Well, while I’m hopping around on top of a mountain, trying to find the shrine, I instead accidentally discover a dragon lair. With a dragon in it. And it doesn’t know I’m there.
So I have this important decision to make: Do I sneak arrow this dragon, guaranteeing a one shot kill, but more importantly, SNEAK ATTACKING A DRAGON? Or do I leap off the top of the mountain down onto the dragon and stab it in the head like A FUCKING GOD?
Hey, gotta act the part, right? I pulled out my sword, and leapt.
I didn’t get the sneak attack (it noticed my presence as I was sailing down toward it like the Dovahkiin Grim Reaper), but it didn’t matter to me. I jumped off the top of a mountain onto a dragon and killed it with a sword made from the bones of its siblings.
Worked out great, too, because from the dragon lair I was able to find a path to Mehrunes shrine.
Of course, the daedric Prince wouldn’t talk to Joe Schmo, so I step up to the altar, and Mehrunes says that if I kill this goofus standing next to me, I’ll get to keep the dagger.
I say “no thanks,” not because I care if this spamhead lives or not. I definitely don’t. Simply because I can defy the Daedric Prince if it pleases me to do so.
Mehrunes isn’t keen on this, so he sics two dremora on me, which I immediately dispatch. And mythic dawnboy runs back to his house, like a weakling.
Finally, I hopped on a boat and sailed to Solstheim, kicking off the Dragonborn DLC quest line.
Next Time: A place to call my own.
